Using Traumatic Experiences In Childhood To Create a Better Life

Many of us had traumatic experiences in childhood. It’s not an easy topic to bring up. Especially depending upon what kind of experiences you’ve had…  We all know that sweeping it under the rug and never thinking about it again is NOT good. Being honest about how your life began will help you understand how to live the rest of it! 

What traumatic experiences in childhood left you feeling neglected, abused, or feeling “less than lucky?”

Some of the common themes that have weaved themselves into many people’s lives can include: 

• An abusive alcoholic parent
• An accident as a child that caused you to miss out on some fun kid stuff 
• Having to move around a lot that led to social anxiety or other issues 
• Narcissistic emotional abuse by a guardian 
• Getting bullied in school 

And many more… 

Whatever traumatic experiences in childhood that you’ve had if we can look at them and learn from them, this is how we can stitch those wounds up so that we can heal. 

Getting more “comfortable” talking about these difficult things can help us dig further into our more expansive inner world. It also is an opportunity to find actionable steps to move through. 

If you’ve had emotionally, physically, or mentally traumatic experiences in childhood, a powerful tool is to write. This would be a great time to take out something to write with and dig into all the feelings wrapped around these things. Journaling or writing, in general, can uncover insights that are hidden within our childhood shit.

I found some great questions in the Art of Trauma that can help you dig into the uncomfortable places where childhood trauma lives. The focus doesn’t have to be on the pain but on how you can be empowered (so as not to be hindered by the past). 

Think about the below questions: 

What do I like about myself? What are my best qualities?

What brings me joy? When do I feel happiest? What does happiness feel like for me?

What makes me sad? When do I feel saddest? What does sadness feel like for me?

What makes me angry? When do I feel angriest? What does anger feel like for me?

What does being triggered feel like for me? What are some of my triggers?

Childhood traumas that are left uncovered can, as you may have guessed, cause all kinds of things to come out later. It’s important to know that “dealing and healing” go hand in hand. 

I know that it’s imperative to allow yourself to feel. When we were kids, many of us were told that we shouldn’t cry (to the men reading this, I know you heard that more than once, too). So, what happens? We learn how to push down and hide our feelings inside of us. These social constructs are bullshit, so we have to see them for what they are and move through them (e.g., being told that men don’t cry, or that we need to “man up,” etc.) 

The good news is that we don’t have to let things that have happened in the past set the tone for the rest of our lives. We can use the past as fuel! Many of us had troubled home lives (to say the least), but we don’t need this to stop us from becoming who we are and living our Ultimate Dream. 

Here are some more questions to go through. Like the questions above, give yourself time and space to think, reflect, and even cry if needed. Do whatever you need to do (you deserve the time to observe and feel)! 

• What attitudes or beliefs have you developed about money and/or success as a result of the traumatic experiences in childhood?
• Do you hold onto these (most likely irrational or unfounded) beliefs? 
• Are you still holding onto anger or resentment about not having an ideal childhood?

One of the best ways to let go of trauma is to look at the positive things that came from it. This is why the questions above frame out positive aspects of your life and who you are. We forget how amazing we are, where we have been, and all the amazing shit that we can do! 

I believe that, just as shit is the best fertilizer for your garden, the shit that we’re dealt with in our life is the best fertilizer for self-growth.

We just have to know how to recognize it!

Now, go back to those negatively charged memories you wrote from the above questions and find the fertilizer that can fuel growth! 

Some final questions: 

• How did those things help you grow? 
• What lessons did they set the stage for you to learn? 
• How did they make you stronger? Wiser? Healthier? 

Summary 

We can transmute negative energy (such as hate, bitterness, or resentment) into positive energy (such as being grateful for an outcome because of something specific that has happened). We take one step before the other and allow the process to unfold slowly. Traumatic experiences in childhood don’t have to hinder our growth but can fuel growth further! 

One of the most powerful practices is talking through pain, so therapists trained in childhood traumas can be great resources to help jumpstart deeper healing within if you feel you need more help and guidance to dig in.