Fighting The Bully Within and Learning to Believe in Yourself

Trusting yourself is a prerequisite to success. But when you’ve lived a life with challenges as I have, you may have to learn HOW to believe in yourself before you can create the success you desire. The term “fighting the bully” takes on a new meaning when you realize that YOU are the one responsible for how you speak to yourself and what you create in your life.

I’m sure you are familiar with the inner bully. The self-berating voice pipes up when you have a challenge in your life, feel insecure, or feel like you have failed.

A lot of bullying self-talk is taken from others’ perspectives or from things others have said to or about you that you believe. So, it’s imperative to be selective about who you discuss your problems and/or your dreams with, especially while you are fighting the bully within.

So, what does your inner bully tell you about yourself? That you’re a born loser? That you aren’t smart enough, good-looking enough, deserving enough, or some other fill-in-the-blank enough to create the life of your dreams?

Whatever it is, I’m here to help you overcome it. It’s time to look that low-down loser in the eye, tell him to get the hell outta town and that you are going to believe in yourself now.

So how can you get down to the business of fighting the bully within?

Well, it’s essential to understand that, regardless of what that lying bastard tells you, the universe ALWAYS has your back.

It becomes so much easier to believe in yourself when you realize this. You start to see opportunities where before you saw obstacles. You begin to seek the lessons within your “unexpected detours” instead of lamenting and wondering why “bad things” happened to you.

I have actually come to be exceedingly grateful for my failures, even the most ridiculous ones that most people would be embarrassed to talk about.

I’ll tell you why. All the failures and shitstorms I’ve endured in my life have taught me some very valuable lessons. Lessons have allowed me to experience more joy and fulfillment than I could have if I hadn’t learned them. Lessons I would never have known if everything had gone as planned.

Here’s a shortlist of some of those lessons:

• I’ve learned the value of true friendship.

• I’ve learned not to give a flying fuck about what anyone else thinks of me.

• I’ve learned the importance of surrounding myself with quality individuals.

• I’ve learned that sometimes not getting what I thought I wanted at the time is the best thing that could have happened to me.

• I’ve learned how important it is to help others.

• I’ve learned to appreciate those who have helped me along the way and how important it is to appreciate EVERYTHING.

• I’ve learned that taking risks can be fun.

The point I’m trying to make is that the bully in your head tells you all the wrong things. It tells you that failure means you are not good enough for success somehow and that the fact that you have failed is proof.

The voice of truth is right behind it, saying, “Don’t listen to that liar. Be grateful for what you can learn from all this, and move forward with your plans. Eventually, you will understand why this happened, and you will be very happy that it did.”

So, in a way, it’s not that you are fighting the bully, You’re just replacing it’s words with gratitude and acknowledgment that the universe is on your side.

And if you have any questions about the universe being on your side, take a moment to recall all the times you were given signs that you ignored. Maybe you stayed in a job you hated until you finally got fired. Or you didn’t believe your friends when they told you someone was cheating on you, only to find out they weren’t lying.

Often we don’t listen to the signs the universe is sending us because we’re afraid of failure. Instead, we listen to the inner bully, who tells us we should stay in a job we hate because it’s the best we can do or that we aren’t strong or resilient enough to handle a failed relationship.

Chucking your fear of failure and changing your perspective about it can start to do some real damage to the inner bully.

It’s important to note that fighting the bully within will require you to do things you don’t feel comfortable with, like taking steps from a place of empowerment rather than victimhood. That means you’ll have to pay close attention to your thoughts and make a real effort to change them.  You can’t learn to believe in yourself with thoughts like, “why is this not happening for me? Why can’t I get what I want? Why do I always have to suffer while others live happy lives?

But just remember, the good shit is on the other side of the walls of your comfort zone. 

And be gentle with yourself. It’s okay if you catch yourself having self-defeating thoughts. The idea is to simply recognize what is happening and replace the thoughts with more empowered ones. Beating yourself up for having negative thoughts will keep you in the negative space, and the idea is to put yourself in a more positive mind-space.

I’ll leave you with a good practice to adopt to keep the ball rolling once you start to conquer the inner bully. That is to take a moment to acknowledge when you recognize the lies your inner bully is telling you and replace them with thoughts that affirm your value. It is essential to reward yourself when you feel you have had a victory.

The reward should be just a small token to acknowledge that you are making progress and will persevere until you have created the life of your dreams because you know it takes effort and dedication.

I hope these insights will help you defeat your inner bully and become the successful, fulfilled individual you came here to be.